Do you have the ability to connect quickly with others and understand group dynamics before others? If you do you may have the makings of a great leader. Social Awareness is the 3rd pillar of Emotional Intelligence. Pillars #1 & 2 were Self-Awareness and Self-Management, respectively.
Have you ever met someone who didn't seem to fit in? If you have, you have met someone who did not have or exercise social awareness.
Being socially aware is not tied to how smart you are. You can have a high IQ but still be without social awareness. You might say, "How can that be?" Because Social Awareness is all emotional and comes mostly from those sectors like the Amygdala . The ability to be Socially Aware comes from the Limbic portion of the brain and is not tied to your cognitive intelligence.
There are really just two parts to this area of EI; Empathy and Organizational Savvy. Or put another way it is all about understanding other individuals and organizations or groups.
Empathy, for instance, is your ability to put yourself in your spouses shoes and see things from their viewpoint. It is enabled by one's ability to feel what someone else is feeling both mentally and physically. It is being so in tune with someone else that when their heart rate rises due to anger, so does yours. It is being able to feel then see like someone else.
Organizational Savvy, was mentioned by Robert Kelley as a work strategy of superior performers. It is about one's ability to feel the pulse of an organization or group. It is about being able to recognize the culture of an organization quickly.
In all, this 3rd pillar is a precursor to Social Management, the 4th and final pillar of Emotional Intelligence. It is an essential to great leadership. Leaders who are able to quickly understand and connect with others and the group are the leaders that have what many of us call charisma.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Self-Awareness-Three Steps to Become More Self-Aware
Self-Awareness is one of the four pillars of Emotional Intelligence. The other three are Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Social Management. In my view, you cannot be emotionally intelligent unless you are Self-Aware.
Although Self-Awareness encompasses many things, being aware of your own emotions and feelings is the first and most important step to becoming Emotionally Intelligent.
We often talk about how we feel and through any day, we experience many different feelings and emotions. These two words are sometimes used interchangeably, but there are differences. If we understand the differences, it can help us be more self-aware.
Emotions are the external expressions of an internal stimulus. Core emotions are Fear, Sadness, Happiness, Anger, Surprise, Disgust, Trust and Anticipation. Each of these emotions have different levels of intensity. For instance, a lower level of intensity for the emotion of Trust is acceptance and a higher level might be adoration.
Feelings are internal and lower levels of emotions like the example above, you might be feeling accepted because of a display of the emotion of Trust exhibited by your boss. Or, you be felling pensive because of the emotion of sadness, due to a friends death.
On the other hand, emotions, because they are often externally expressed by running, for instance, if your are afraid of snakes and you just saw one, or slamming you fist into your desk because you are so angry are easier to recognize
So lets begin building self-awareness with a three step process:
1. Begin the day with a commitment to identify emotions you experience.
2. Write down, in a journal, what emotions your experience throughout the day.
3. Identify the "Triggers" that release the emotions.
About "Triggers," these are events the release emotions. For example, you are "cut-off" in traffic and have to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident and you get angry. The trigger is: an unexpected and seemingly total disregard for safety. Knowing what triggers your emotions is a hefty piece of self-awareness.
Once you have successfully identified several triggers, use these strategies to mitigate negative emotions initiated by them. Let's take anger, for instance. Someone says something that angers you. What should you do?
1. Recognize the emotion for what it is
2. Pause, take a deep breath or two
3. Consider, the intent of the other person
4. Respond with in a gracious and understanding way by asking for clarification.
Recognize, Pause, Consider, and Respond works, try it. Of course, it is not the right response to all emotions, For instance, if you see a two-ton boulder racing toward you and you experience the emotion of Fear, you should eliminate steps 2 and 3. Go to step for and run, as fast as you can.
Although Self-Awareness encompasses many things, being aware of your own emotions and feelings is the first and most important step to becoming Emotionally Intelligent.
We often talk about how we feel and through any day, we experience many different feelings and emotions. These two words are sometimes used interchangeably, but there are differences. If we understand the differences, it can help us be more self-aware.
Emotions are the external expressions of an internal stimulus. Core emotions are Fear, Sadness, Happiness, Anger, Surprise, Disgust, Trust and Anticipation. Each of these emotions have different levels of intensity. For instance, a lower level of intensity for the emotion of Trust is acceptance and a higher level might be adoration.
Feelings are internal and lower levels of emotions like the example above, you might be feeling accepted because of a display of the emotion of Trust exhibited by your boss. Or, you be felling pensive because of the emotion of sadness, due to a friends death.
On the other hand, emotions, because they are often externally expressed by running, for instance, if your are afraid of snakes and you just saw one, or slamming you fist into your desk because you are so angry are easier to recognize
So lets begin building self-awareness with a three step process:
1. Begin the day with a commitment to identify emotions you experience.
2. Write down, in a journal, what emotions your experience throughout the day.
3. Identify the "Triggers" that release the emotions.
About "Triggers," these are events the release emotions. For example, you are "cut-off" in traffic and have to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident and you get angry. The trigger is: an unexpected and seemingly total disregard for safety. Knowing what triggers your emotions is a hefty piece of self-awareness.
Once you have successfully identified several triggers, use these strategies to mitigate negative emotions initiated by them. Let's take anger, for instance. Someone says something that angers you. What should you do?
1. Recognize the emotion for what it is
2. Pause, take a deep breath or two
3. Consider, the intent of the other person
4. Respond with in a gracious and understanding way by asking for clarification.
Recognize, Pause, Consider, and Respond works, try it. Of course, it is not the right response to all emotions, For instance, if you see a two-ton boulder racing toward you and you experience the emotion of Fear, you should eliminate steps 2 and 3. Go to step for and run, as fast as you can.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Self-Management-Release the Power Within
Self-Management seems like a boring topic. After all, if we weren't somewhat accomplished at managing ourselves, would be where we are today. And that, just may be why Self-Management is so important.
Most people think of Self-Management in terms of managing time, but, that is a very limited view and totally limiting. Managing yourself is composed of at least 3 parts:
1. Self-Esteem
2. Awareness
3. Leverage
What is Self-Esteem anyway? The official definition is: the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the challenges of life and as deserving of happiness.
Self-Esteem has two interdependent parts
Self Efficacy-the confidence in one's ability to think, understand, trust and make good decisions
Self-Respect-the knowledge of my value and right to be happy while expressing my thoughts, wants and needs
Without Self-Esteem, there is little chance you will able to effectively manage yourself or others.
Awareness seems simple enough. We know when the sun goes down and darkness follows or when it rains, you get wet, if you are not prepared. But awareness is much, much more than that. One thing I would do, if I had my life to live over again, would be to take more time to be aware of things and people around me. Looking back, I seemed to have raced through life and missed so much. Take time to observe.
There is a story of a Tibetan neophyte who endured 3 years of silence and daily study, who had finally reached a the point of his final examination. If he passed he would qualify for official Monk status. If he failed, he would have to commit another 3 years to silence and study. But he was prepared and knew he could answer any question the qualifying panel might ask.
On the morning of the examination, he rushed, almost ran to the examination in all confidence. He thrust open the doors to face the panel of judges that would determine his future. We stood confidently before the panel awaiting the first question. One of the oldest and wisest among the panel stood and addressed the neophyte and asked: "What were the colors of the flowers on either side to the door that allowed entrance to this room?" Needless to say, three more years! Be aware of what and how is around you. Be aware of your own body and what is going on within it. You can't manage something of which, you are not aware.
Finally there is Leverage. I know leverage seems to be in a strange place, and what does it mean anyway?
I have known many people that have worked on their weaknesses but an even fewer number that have learned how to leverage their strengths. The first step in effectively leveraging strengths is to know what your strengths actually are. I often ask the professionals I coach, what are your strengths? And, I must say that, more often than not, they do not know. How sad that is.
Learning to leverage your strengths is one of the most important things you will learn in life, so, learn them well and early to gain an advantage. Know your strengths and know how to leverage them to get what you and yours want from life.
Most people think of Self-Management in terms of managing time, but, that is a very limited view and totally limiting. Managing yourself is composed of at least 3 parts:
1. Self-Esteem
2. Awareness
3. Leverage
What is Self-Esteem anyway? The official definition is: the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the challenges of life and as deserving of happiness.
Self-Esteem has two interdependent parts
Self Efficacy-the confidence in one's ability to think, understand, trust and make good decisions
Self-Respect-the knowledge of my value and right to be happy while expressing my thoughts, wants and needs
Without Self-Esteem, there is little chance you will able to effectively manage yourself or others.
Awareness seems simple enough. We know when the sun goes down and darkness follows or when it rains, you get wet, if you are not prepared. But awareness is much, much more than that. One thing I would do, if I had my life to live over again, would be to take more time to be aware of things and people around me. Looking back, I seemed to have raced through life and missed so much. Take time to observe.
There is a story of a Tibetan neophyte who endured 3 years of silence and daily study, who had finally reached a the point of his final examination. If he passed he would qualify for official Monk status. If he failed, he would have to commit another 3 years to silence and study. But he was prepared and knew he could answer any question the qualifying panel might ask.
On the morning of the examination, he rushed, almost ran to the examination in all confidence. He thrust open the doors to face the panel of judges that would determine his future. We stood confidently before the panel awaiting the first question. One of the oldest and wisest among the panel stood and addressed the neophyte and asked: "What were the colors of the flowers on either side to the door that allowed entrance to this room?" Needless to say, three more years! Be aware of what and how is around you. Be aware of your own body and what is going on within it. You can't manage something of which, you are not aware.
Finally there is Leverage. I know leverage seems to be in a strange place, and what does it mean anyway?
I have known many people that have worked on their weaknesses but an even fewer number that have learned how to leverage their strengths. The first step in effectively leveraging strengths is to know what your strengths actually are. I often ask the professionals I coach, what are your strengths? And, I must say that, more often than not, they do not know. How sad that is.
Learning to leverage your strengths is one of the most important things you will learn in life, so, learn them well and early to gain an advantage. Know your strengths and know how to leverage them to get what you and yours want from life.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Initiative-A core attribute among superior performers
Most organizations are composed of average performers. Possibly, over 80 percent of every organization is composed of average performers. There is nothing wrong with average, unless you want to be thought of as a superior performer. When that occurs, average becomes less satisfying.
With as few as on in ten performing in a superior way, you might ask; what is it that determines superior performance. A simple, generic definition is: "Performing in a way that exceeds that of your peers." You might be thinking, how can I be a superior performer? Part of the answer to that very important question is found in your ability to see the advantage of going beyond. Beyond the manger's expectations, beyond the company's needs and beyond the job description.
Initiative is working in the "white spaces" of your job description. Initiative is helping and educating your fellow worker. Initiative is about making others look good and knowing that you don't have to worry about making yourself look good. My mentor and friend Zig Ziglar always said, "if you help enough people to get what they want in life, you will get everything you want."
PLAY LIKE A CHAMPION!
With as few as on in ten performing in a superior way, you might ask; what is it that determines superior performance. A simple, generic definition is: "Performing in a way that exceeds that of your peers." You might be thinking, how can I be a superior performer? Part of the answer to that very important question is found in your ability to see the advantage of going beyond. Beyond the manger's expectations, beyond the company's needs and beyond the job description.
Initiative is working in the "white spaces" of your job description. Initiative is helping and educating your fellow worker. Initiative is about making others look good and knowing that you don't have to worry about making yourself look good. My mentor and friend Zig Ziglar always said, "if you help enough people to get what they want in life, you will get everything you want."
PLAY LIKE A CHAMPION!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Win While Others Lose!
Whether you can or you can't, believing that you can is more than 50 percent of the victory, far, far more!
1982 was not a good year in Houston, Texas or anywhere else, for that matter. I was in the insurance business at the time, about a third of the way through a 27 year career. Most of the Savings and Loans in the entire country and especially in Houston were either merged or confiscated or consolidated and run by the government for a several years.
Times were so bad; it seemed that most every real estate deal would fail. People were walking home mortgages right and left. Commercial developers were declaring bankruptcy in the droves. As and example, we were occupying space in a 7 story office building that was totally empty, for two years. Business was terrible and hope was something that few experienced.
The homeowners insurance market was suffering and that was being optimistic. Most of our 35 agents were in a survival mode. Everything they did was focused on hanging on the business they had and no, literally no effort was focused on acquiring new business. They believed that you could not sell homeowner's insurance, because prices were too high. This attitude was fueling an attitude of survival, rather than growth. No one was actively soliciting new homeowners business and guess what; no one was selling homeowners insurance.
That is, almost no one! No one except those agents that were new to the industry who did not know what older agent knew? Those agents fresh out of training that were anxious to build their agencies and their futures were selling homeowners insurance like it was going out of style. You see, they did not know that you could not sell homeowners insurance in this market and they were setting sales records. For the years beginning in 1982 and continuing through our leaving the industry in 1997 we led the entire company in homeowner's insurance sales.
The reason? We taught them to believe that they could achieve what they wanted and gave them the tools to do so. We kept them away, as best we could, from those people who believed they couldn't because of the times or the environment or both. We taught them the success formula:
E + R = O
O is for outcome, what ever outcome you hope to achieve from any E (event) you might encounter is determined by your R (response). We taught them that they were in control, not others, not the environment, not anything!
We taught them to be pro-active about their future and focus on what was necessary to achieve their goals and they did. They developed an attitude of success, not survival. They adopted an attitude of "I can instead of I can't." They believed they were winners and they were! Attitude is everything!
1982 was not a good year in Houston, Texas or anywhere else, for that matter. I was in the insurance business at the time, about a third of the way through a 27 year career. Most of the Savings and Loans in the entire country and especially in Houston were either merged or confiscated or consolidated and run by the government for a several years.
Times were so bad; it seemed that most every real estate deal would fail. People were walking home mortgages right and left. Commercial developers were declaring bankruptcy in the droves. As and example, we were occupying space in a 7 story office building that was totally empty, for two years. Business was terrible and hope was something that few experienced.
The homeowners insurance market was suffering and that was being optimistic. Most of our 35 agents were in a survival mode. Everything they did was focused on hanging on the business they had and no, literally no effort was focused on acquiring new business. They believed that you could not sell homeowner's insurance, because prices were too high. This attitude was fueling an attitude of survival, rather than growth. No one was actively soliciting new homeowners business and guess what; no one was selling homeowners insurance.
That is, almost no one! No one except those agents that were new to the industry who did not know what older agent knew? Those agents fresh out of training that were anxious to build their agencies and their futures were selling homeowners insurance like it was going out of style. You see, they did not know that you could not sell homeowners insurance in this market and they were setting sales records. For the years beginning in 1982 and continuing through our leaving the industry in 1997 we led the entire company in homeowner's insurance sales.
The reason? We taught them to believe that they could achieve what they wanted and gave them the tools to do so. We kept them away, as best we could, from those people who believed they couldn't because of the times or the environment or both. We taught them the success formula:
E + R = O
O is for outcome, what ever outcome you hope to achieve from any E (event) you might encounter is determined by your R (response). We taught them that they were in control, not others, not the environment, not anything!
We taught them to be pro-active about their future and focus on what was necessary to achieve their goals and they did. They developed an attitude of success, not survival. They adopted an attitude of "I can instead of I can't." They believed they were winners and they were! Attitude is everything!
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